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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are
some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Gee,
that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside".
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And
that would be how. . . ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a
suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down".
(Oops, too late!)
6.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(As night follows the day . . . .)
7.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. Boot's
Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts)
9.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For
indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other
use".
(I gotta admit, I'm curious).
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts".
(NEWS FLASH)
13.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta).
14. On a child's
Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(I don't blame the company ~ I blame parents for
this one).
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a
chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."
(Hey
mom we're out of syryp! ~ It's ok honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed,
contact poison control."
(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18.
On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in
the washing machine kids....Aww you mean we have to use the swimming pool?)
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